I’ve noticed that I tend to over extend the expectations I have for myself. It’s not about achieving perfection… or anything close to that. It’s more about my inability to stay still. Well, that’s not true. I can binge watch my favorite shows for hours. However, in that time, I probably would have washed the dishes, put a load of laundry in, ran the cycle again (because I forgot it was in there), fed the kids, did their lessons, obsessed over the checklist I’ve created for myself, and so on. There’s this point where I almost overwhelm myself for being too still…for being too relaxed.
I had to dig deep and assess the reason for this. A couple of things came to mind…
1.) I feel as though I’m wasting time when I’m still. I don’t find it productive. I can picture all the things I wanted to carry out teetering into a chaotic mess if I didn’t subtract from the pile.
2. I lose control. Letting things go, means you lose control in my head.
Tackling the root of it was difficult for me. It was and is uncomfortable for me not to think about what I need to do next and even worse not to work on it.
In my case, I’ve embraced this trait about myself. But, I’m also trying to value “down time.” Instead of calling it “being still,” I call it rest. It sounds so simple, I know, but somehow my brain just needs to hear “rest” for it to go… “ah, okay… I get. Chill. Relax… REST so that you can go hard on all the things we need to do.” My brain computes resting as productive. Go figure.
This little quirk has taught me that there are things you can change, things you adjust, and many things you can constantly improve about yourself.
I love being active. I love the challenge. But, I also want to embrace a more balance and healthier version of me. I understood that I needed rest to counterbalance the exertion. Life is a lot like that. Sometimes, we need to assess the situation to better understand what we need to add or subtract to balance it all out.