I’m feeling lazy today, but I have so much to do. On top of all of that, I’m experiencing a few symptoms. They’re not too bad… but it’s enough to make me want to sit down and binge watch Korean drama and put a movie on for the kids kind of day.
I am tempted to let the day just pass me by. However, I promised myself a long time ago that I won’t allow myself to be a victim of this disease. And, even though I may not be “wallowing in pity” I am still allowing this disease to dictate and make excuses on my behalf. There’s a difference between not trying at all and taking care of myself. But, it’s so easy to just push everything aside because of this disease… even when I finally start feeling well again. Or at least, well enough to do some things for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I allow myself to have days to vegetate in pointless enjoyments… but it’s not because of moyamoya. It’s simply because… I felt like it. 😀
Sometimes the most dangerous days are the days when it’s not so bad, but it’s bad enough to let myself just waste the time I have. How do I motivate myself? I’m not quite sure, really. It’s one step at a time. I stop to really analyze how I feel, what I’m really capable of, and why I am so exhausted. The throbbing and pounding in my head probably won’t stop today, but I can lessen it somehow. Routine and caring for myself before, during, and after is an important key. So… I chug that water. Hydrate. I lay down if I need to sleep it off for a bit. I have the phone handy JUST in case I have to call for my husband to come home. I do put that movie on for the kids to give me a little bit of a break. I give myself a break mentally by telling myself…. it’s okay, I can do this. I don’t punish myself for not being able to finish the task I set out to do for the day. Even on good days, it can be difficult to finish it all. But, I want to be able to know WITHIN myself that I did what I can, that I took the time to care for myself, and that I ADULTED today. 🙂 Lol.
You see, to me, living your life positively and to the fullest is a conscious decision to keep choosing to try at life. I figured, how can I open doors and attempt to live my life to the fullest if I don’t even put the effort to knock on the opportunities and available blessings each day brings. I don’t ever take for granted that I have Moyamoya disease. I am constantly reminded by the symptoms I experience. I have learned to value my health and have put more effort in making sure that the I try to prevent the bad days by taking the necessary steps to care for myself. Just as I value the life I have, I must also put value in the life I lead. It’s really that simple, although, on days like this… I don’t want to try. But, I do. And, so I live.