I never realized how much I loved photography until the right tools were presented to me. I never realized how long I’ve toyed with the idea… until my husband filled a need I didn’t realize I had. I griped and moaned about needing a better camera so that I can take better pictures for the blog. I never realized how dissatisfied I was not because I didn’t have the tools, but because I didn’t take the initiative to understand the growing passion and love that was evolving at a rapid rate. The frustration stemmed from the fact that I just didn’t know how to CREATE THE PHOTOS I WANTED. It wasn’t that the camera I had was inadequate (although there really is something wrong with it, lol), but that it was my scapegoat. I blamed all of my frustration on it. My new camera revealed that, the photos I wanted to create took time, practice, and STUDYING! People ask, “Is that your career choice?” Honestly? No. Not, yet. I don’t know YET. Maybe. Yes? I’m figuring it out.
I remember watching our photographers in my journalism class and thinking just snap the dang photo! I would rush at them with what I needed and just believed a good photograph would appear when I sat down to edit the page. I never realized that my interest stemmed so far back and from a place I loved and obsessed over.
Apart from writing, photography has been my constant therapy. Most people push hobbies to the side as if it’s something that DOESN’T REALLY MATTER. Passion matters. Love matters. The work and progress matters. The creative journey matters. I sit and read through people’s blogs and find myself BLOWN AWAY by some of the bloggers. I find that undermining something that you have grown to love and defining it negatively to others is wasteful energy. After my stroke, there were things I couldn’t do. But, the little steps to achieve what I could start doing were something I gave myself credit for. I didn’t want to take from myself… when other things already were trying to chip away at me.
Finding something that I love and could work on makes me feel alive. It is my own way of BEATING MOYAMOYA. My creativity, life, and will is not constricted… unless I let it be. Finding joy, cultivating growth, and harnessing the ability you have is a powerful thing. It leaves behind the doubt of what you could have been doing… and instead lays out a foundational thought process of finding ways to accomplish the next step.
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