Not so easily erased: Moyamoya Awareness Day

May 6th is Moyamoya  Awareness day. Stay and be strong. Life is so much more than fearing the end. Celebrating it all, it’s what you get to look forward to. That includes the good and bad days. But, strongly rely on the will to push hard and the fact that you were made so special.

People never realized that sometimes, you do go through thoughts that whispers..

“I don’t want to die.”

“I’m not ready.”

“I’ve got this.”

“You’re pretty awesome.”

“I love this body.”

“I hate Moyamoya.”

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It’s honestly hard for me to celebrate May 6th. I can’t say that I will.

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I will celebrate life and the fact that those closest to me and who love me will share this. Share just the word moyamoya to spread awareness in the hopes of saving someone’s life.

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I hate it. I really do. I try to control everything, it’s my nature. Moyamoya has forced me to relinquish any control over my body… SOMETIMES.

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But, I have full control of what I do with my spirit. I’m going to be really cocky and say that I’m really strong. But, with it comes the weakness I feel sometimes. This is because, you build up a lot inside… and end up imploding. When you’ve sat in a hospital bed, and numerous people tell you that you’re dying, you’ll have multiple strokes until you disappear, or that there is no cure…. the fear becomes miniscule. It’s the helplessness that fogs up your mind. And, yet still we keep going because we simply can’t accept defeat.

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I don’t want to be erased.

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I have so much more to live for. So, I hang onto God… it’s foolish to some people. But, I really do believe that I will be here.

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He didn’t build me to be someone who can be easily erased. I was put on this earth to bring up 3 little girls to be just like their mommy so that they can one day rule this world (haha). And, to grow old and aggravate my husband and make him experience the deepest love he will ever have (he’s stuck with me). To accomplish all of my dreams. To share SO much more.

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On May 6th, I don’t know if I’ll feel down. I know I can’t say I can celebrate having this disease every day. It’s tough. But, what I can say is that… I will be blessed.

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I will feel determined. And, I’m beating this every day. I have to.

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To my MM people. You will experience the highest high and the lowest low. It’s okay… did you know billions of people have felt that? You will look normal, and some people will not understand that you are sometimes suffering an internal battle. Some may even jeopardize your health, all because you don’t look sick. Take it as a compliment. It’s a testament to how strong you really are. Tonight, I feel like I really hate MM. But, I love me so much more. The support system I have, reminds me every day of the blessings God has placed in my life despite MM.

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